So you and your significant other had your first ever fight. It was bound to happen – it can’t be sunshine, rainbows and unicorns forever. But now what? How do you work through your friction and come out stronger on the other side?

Don’t fight over WhatsApp

Or Facebook or Twitter or anything other than face to face. Fighting in a series of messages can lead to miscommunication, ambiguity, frustration and can ultimately blow things way out of proportion. Wait until you’re together, and then air your feelings.

Watch how you say things

Speaking of airing your feelings, be mindful of your partner’s feelings, too. And that means paying close attention to the language you use. Rather than yelling “I hate when you do this or that” and laying the blame squarely with them, choose to say “I feel X when you do Y”. Turn the situation around, let your partner know how their words or actions make you feel, and you’ll both come to a deeper level of understanding.

Don’t hold grudges

Now is not the time to bring up that thing your partner did five months ago that really irritated you but you did nothing about. You’re talking about the situation at hand, not dredging up old events and feelings. Stick to the facts and talk through whatever it is you’re dealing with in the here and now. That way you’ll avoid breeding further resentment and aggravation.

Get a grip

Try as far as possible to let your head take the lead in a fight, rather than your heart. That way you’ll avoid getting caught up in the emotion of the moment and won’t be tempted to say things you can’t take back, like “I hate you” or “I want to break up”. Recognise that even though you might not like your partner very much at the time, you still care about them beyond what you’re fighting about. Keep that in the back of your mind and you’ll be able to preserve what you still have.

Remember that you’re normal

Every couple fights because, life. In fact, if you don’t fight ever, that might be slightly more worrying. So if you’re concerned that having a fight means you and your loved one aren’t the perfect match, stop stressing. Tension, arguments and headaches are normal in every relationship. The test of a good one is how you work through your frustrations, how you set boundaries and guidelines for each other, and how you move forward together.

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