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Let’s be real—most people have watched adult content at some point. Whether it’s for a quick thrill or to spice things up, porn isn’t inherently harmful.
But when casual consumption turns into something more obsessive, the impact on relationships can be profound.
“Porn addiction is a very real issue, yet it often flies under the radar,” says Alexa Johnston, a sex and relationship expert at Just, Australia’s premier online store for high-quality adult toys.
“Many people don’t even realize they have a problem until it starts affecting their personal relationships.”
Studies show that 1 in 2 men and 1 in 4 women meet the criteria for porn addiction. So how do you know if your partner is one of them? Below, Johnston highlights ten warning signs to watch for.
If your partner suddenly becomes ultra-private with their phone, tablet, or computer—closing tabs when you walk in, switching to private browsing, or changing passwords—it might be more than just a desire for privacy.
“This is particularly concerning if they seem agitated when you ask what they’re up to,” Johnston notes.
One moment, they’re upbeat and engaged; the next, they’re irritable or distant. These unpredictable mood shifts—especially when paired with restlessness—can signal withdrawal symptoms associated with excessive porn use.
A sudden drop in physical affection or sexual activity could be more than just a rough patch.
“If they struggle to become aroused without explicit content or seem emotionally disconnected during intimacy, it’s possible that their expectations have been reshaped by excessive porn consumption,” says Johnston.
Late nights and odd-hour wake-ups with a phone in hand? If your partner frequently stays up late or sneaks off to use their devices, it could indicate secretive behavior tied to porn consumption.
Missed deadlines, unfinished chores, or an overall lack of focus? “When someone is addicted to something, their priorities shift,” Johnston explains. “If they’re skipping work or social engagements, porn may be taking over their life.”
Are there unexplained expenses on credit card statements? Payments to adult sites, cam models, or OnlyFans subscriptions can quickly add up. If money seems to be vanishing without a clear explanation, it might be time for a conversation.
If your once-connected partner is now distant, distracted, or disengaged, excessive porn consumption could be the cause.
“Their addiction can make everything else—including their partner—seem much less interesting,” Johnston says.
Unrealistic standards created by pornography can lead to dissatisfaction in real-life intimacy.
“If your partner is suddenly more critical of your appearance, sexual performance, or desires, they could be comparing reality to unrealistic portrayals in porn,” Johnston warns.
If your partner starts using vague terms or dodging conversations about their online habits, take note. “Joking about ‘harmless internet fun’ without elaborating could be a way to downplay or deflect,” Johnston says.
When asked about their habits, a defensive response—anger, denial, or blame-shifting—can be a red flag.
“They may accuse you of being paranoid or gaslight you into thinking your concerns are unfounded,” Johnston says. “Addiction thrives in secrecy.”
How to Talk to Your Partner About Porn Addiction:
So, you’ve noticed the signs—now what? If you suspect your partner is struggling with porn addiction, confrontation isn’t the answer.
“The worst thing you can do is go in guns blazing, making accusations or shaming them,” Johnston advises. “That’s a surefire way to shut down the conversation before it even starts.”
Instead, approach the subject with care:
Pick the right moment. Wait for a time when you’re both calm and relaxed, not in the middle of an argument or stressful situation.
Start with open-ended questions. A good opener could be, ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit distant lately, and I just wanted to check in—how are you feeling?’
Express your feelings instead of blaming them. Instead of saying, ‘You’re addicted to porn, and it’s ruining our relationship!’ try, ‘I’ve been feeling disconnected from you lately, and I wonder if porn might be part of that.’
Listen—really listen. The goal isn’t to “catch them” but to understand, reconnect, and find a way forward together.
“If they admit they’re struggling, focus on solutions rather than blame,” Johnston adds.
“Porn addiction doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship—but it does require honesty, understanding, and a willingness to work through it together.”
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