What’s in a kink. Picture: File
According to some random on Instagram, it’s National Kink Month. Not sure which nation, but what the hell, let’s take it as our own. Last week I was in Hannover, Germany for Erofame 24. It’s an industry B2B show where new products are launched and us oldies try to feel relevant. I’m more and more of the opinion that as a society we are losing the plot.
Make no mistake there have been great developments with regards to silent motors, materials and shapes that are better ergonomically designed for body types and then there are the lunatic fringe items that have even me gasping.
I know that we all have our quirks, and I try not to judge but sometimes I think the world has gone mad. I think it’s a bit like a drug addict when a single hit no longer has the same effect.
I’m all for ‘Vanilla Kink’ – it’s a bit naughty but ultimately sane. When it comes to any kind of sex there are three golden rules:
Sex must be: Safe, Consensual, Sane
What is Kink?
Kink is an umbrella term that includes all kind of unconventional sexual acts. Kink can include BDSM, fetishes, role play, voyeurism, exhibitionism and group sex. It’s a very intimate exchange and may in many ways not include sexual penetration at all.
The one kink we have heard the most about since ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is BDSM. The acronym stands for Bondage, domination, discipline, submission, sadism, master and masochism. You can pick your pleasure.
It contains a large range of combinations, activities and even extremes. Think spanking, rope work, dominant and submissive role playing and even choking. We’ve all read about how quickly choking can go wrong.
Any play has to have an enormous amount of trust, boundaries and a safe word. Don’t even think of going to play in this arena if you haven’t discussed this and obtained unequivocal, vocal consent. NEVER forget the safe word.
Kink also incorporates fetishes.
I’ve written a couple of articles on some more obscure fetishes. We’ve all heard about the common ones, shoes, feet, rubber and mouth.
A fetish is a very specific requirement and necessary for an individual’s arousal and pleasure. They can involve inanimate objects, like shoes, specific materials, like latex, specific body parts, feet and breasts are top of the list or specific types of partner or body types or behaviours.
The kink we are probably most familiar with are roleplay and fantasies.
This includes acting out imagined scenarios with your consenting partner. Common fantasies to play out are dominant and submissive roles. Think teacher and student, doctor and patient or boss and employee. They are so successful because they are so forbidden in the real world.
Age Play – Role-playing as different ages, often in a non-literal way (e.g., Daddy/Little or Mommy/Baby) is also very popular. Adult nappies are a thing.
Group sex or as we like to call them in good old Saffa – klomp pomp.
I don’t think you need much explanation for this one but if you do its having sex with three or more people at the same time. This is not to be confused with swinging which if I think about it could also be a variety of kink.
Do you like to watch or be watched? Then you are kinky by definition.
Every year at the Sex Expo (coming to Gallager at the end of November) we always do a range of collectable T-Shirts. One of my favourites was ‘Kinky as a cheap garden hose. I quite like watching. Bring out the mirrors or glass reflections.
Voyeurism includes watching someone undress or engage in sexual acts without their knowledge. I’m not mad about this because everything for me is about consent. You could roleplay ignorance. Exhibitionism involves having sex in a public place or where strangers can catch you in the act. A retail store change room or an aeroplane toilet are common spaces for this activity.
Cuckolding – Enjoying the idea of a partner having sex with someone else is also very popular. Note, I wrote the idea of a partner, not the actual act itself. Your relationship has to be on a whole different level for this to actually happen. Talking it through and imagining it might be sufficient.
Sensory Play – Using different sensations (ice, wax, blindfolds) to heighten pleasure.
Textures, temperature and igniting all the senses shouldn’t really fall into the kink category. At www.lolamontez.co.za we have some gorgeous products especially for this kind of play. Check out the pop candy, fur glove and massage candles. I’m absolutely sure there are many more kinks out there that I haven’t even heard about.
Saturday Star